Monday, September 15, 2008
Title of my lifestory:
Why am i feelin so insecure? I felt lyk a 3 year old gal seeking love, care, attention.
I hate this now.
I tot i was strong? (well pple look or to be exact, expected mi to be or they won’t be cumin to me wif all their troubles.) So this ‘strong’ mask is wad they train out of mi. So am i really strong? After hiddin behind de mask fer so long tat i can hardly tell myself. I was traind to be strong all these years tat i found out i have difficulties expressing myself and difficult to share my probs wif another person cos i’m so used/forced to not. After helpin solved so mani troubles i can’t actually solve my own’s? Wad a joke it is. How pathetic. Since now i’m thinkin bout it, i wonder wad actually make mi cum clean wif tat world tat time? Wad makes mi decided stop helpin em and to live my quiet life. De world where i felt needed, wanted, important although it might not be always for a good reason. Was it him or? I’m puzzled now.
I tot i was strong? (well pple look or to be exact, expected mi to be or they won’t be cumin to me wif all their troubles.) So this ‘strong’ mask is wad they train out of mi. So am i really strong? After hiddin behind de mask fer so long tat i can hardly tell myself. I was traind to be strong all these years tat i found out i have difficulties expressing myself and difficult to share my probs wif another person cos i’m so used/forced to not. After helpin solved so mani troubles i can’t actually solve my own’s? Wad a joke it is. How pathetic. Since now i’m thinkin bout it, i wonder wad actually make mi cum clean wif tat world tat time? Wad makes mi decided stop helpin em and to live my quiet life. De world where i felt needed, wanted, important although it might not be always for a good reason. Was it him or? I’m puzzled now.
Wanted to delete moi blog but when de tot of how much hard work, sweat, time i’ve put into tis blog and all my past’s post’s memories will be deleted as well i was held back, reluctant, sad. And it was exactly de same fer ur case. I was tinkin if i shld stay away from you or if i shld just kick u out of moi life. But all de hard work, sweat, time i’ve put into tis friendship wasn’t small amount either. & those memories, both good and bad awww i’m just not strong enuf to do tat.
U dun need to remember mi but at least spare mi from de pain pls. Dun let mi know wad u’re doing. Dun wanna now hu you are wif. Dun wanna see ur happiness. Dun wanna hear ani news of u at all...
Went hm right after class. Ran into rudy & frens so i walk wif em to inter. Bus-ed hm, I cried on de bus and it doesn't make ani sense at all. ARGH how embarrassing goshness.
i noe when pple dun always love you de they u wanted em to does not means they dun love you with all their hearts.
But i rather u guys love mi de way i want you to even its not with all ur hearts.
pls love mi de right way?
*I'm at my limits already...
9:44 PM?
